Not her day

Today is not Ember's lucky day.

This morning she got into the fridge without asking (she likes to just open and look) and out fell the pineapple upside down cake we won last night (cake walk). Now it is a pineapple right side up cake, minus the whipped cream topping, and two tiers instead of just one. She cried for a good 10 minutes even though she wasn't in trouble and no one was mad. It was an accident.

After dropping off Jaxen I stopped by Fry's to get some more milk while it is still on sale. Ember helps scan at the self-check out lane. Afterward, I take her out of the cart. I have one foot on the cart while I am trying to do the payment. She starts shaking the cart. I tell her to stop, but of course she doesn't listen. The cart starts falling in s.l.o.w. m.o.t.i.o.n. Owen is in the cart, unstrapped. I grab the cart with my one free hand and manage to control it enough so the cart lands softly. Owen bonks his head, but not anything worse than at home and Ember had her foot under the basket. I am still under control. I get Ember's foot out and pick up Owen who stops crying immediately. I think it was just a shock. Ember is crying, but she is OK. She cries really hard when she thinks she is in trouble or when she knows that she made a not-so-good choice.

I talk to her calmly, and she says she isn't hurt. They call the manager totally freaking out. I explain she is fine and so is Owen, I softened the blow so it wasn't that bad. But it could have been! One of the ladies asks if she can give Ember a piece of candy (because she was so upset). I told her no that would be rewarding bad behavior. I wasn't mad at Ember, but her actions (after being told not to do something) did not warrant a reward.

I stopped outside and we talked about it. I told her that when I ask her to do something (like stop shaking the cart) it is usually because mom knows something bad can happen. I told her I was glad she and Owen were OK, but next time no shaking or standing on the sides of the cart. Hopefully, this lesson will be one that she will remember.

I asked her when we got home if I got mad at her at the store. I wanted to see what her perception of the incident was. She said no. That made me feel good, because I wasn't mad. I am trying hard not to get upset with my children for the choices they make. More often the choices they make are good ideas to them. We need to look at everything our children do and look for the positive intent behind their actions/behavior. Working through each situation as it arises gives us teaching moments, where we can both learn, and remain calm, so they can make better choices on their own as they grow up. Allowing natural consequences to happen, and not adding additional consequences to them. I know Ember was horrified. I don't think me getting upset with her (second consequence) was needed. How she felt about the situation was appropriate, and she learned something. I hope that makes sense.

Debating whether I should post this, or wait....it is still early, might be more adventures left in the day!

P.S. Cart toppling is dangerous...and it can happen to you!

P.S.S. For a good book on discpline read, Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey